Time 2 Change the Filters

Tonight I find myself sitting alone, shabby and discontent.  What a perfect time to start a blog!  Hopefully this is a blog that no one reads because at the moment, I'm feeling a bit unfiltered.  A frenemy once told me, "The problem with you is that you are too honest.  That and crazy."  I'm starting to agree!

But why should I filter myself? (Hold on the screaming voice in the basement is acting up again).

Ok back...  I'm not a politician trying to play both sides of the fence.  I'm not a famous actor with a billion dollar smile.  My smile only cost about a buck fifty worth of crappy tasting toothpaste.  Whiter smile in 30 days my ass!  And despite popular belief, I'm not the handsome, intelligent, handsome, extremely talented and humble individual described on my business cards.  I'm a 37 year old dude that despite his good intentions fell a bit short of his childhood ambitions. 

No this isn't a sob story, but it is a s.o.b. story.  Yup, sounds of babbling.  I had a point when I started writing this.  I had a point about how we as people spend an enormous amount of energy trying to be perceived as something we're not. This desire to be recognized as how we believe others expect us to be, dictates what we say, how we act, and what we wear. 

If I had any sense at all I would delete this ranting bit of lunacy.  I don't need my future bosses, clients, and Ed McMahon to stumble across this and decide that it would probably be best to tear up that check.  Perhaps this would be a conversation better suited on facebook, where we have the privacy options to act and behave one way with friends, another with relatives, and yet another with our boss.  We wear many faces, and they all belie our most honest of thoughts.   We are driven by those thoughts that spark the insecurities that prompt us to filter our personalities... all in an effort to be accepted.  Things would be much easier if our friends, relatives, and bosses were one in the same.  That way when we're talking crap about our boss, we're actually talking to our boss.  At least now we're heading towards honesty. 

I bring this up as a way to convince myself that I too, need to have that honest chat with my boss.  At this moment I am a freelancer... my boss is me.  Boss, you're not pulling your weight as a supervisor.  You haven't set realistic goals, your motivational skills are a joke, and every morning I want to spit in your coffee cup because I no longer respect you! 

I guess I had that coming.  In all honesty, too much honesty, I just cut one.  Welcome to my blog!